well i left LA today. goodbye sunshine and land of plastics hahaha. the cougars had huge knockers and pulled faces. gross! also natural tans please haha. sometimes i find pasty pale cute on some people cuz u can see them blush.
yesterday when me and my friend left knotts berry farm i started talking about life cuz i dont want to see him living off his sister forever. i dont remember the exact convo but he ended up saying "i dont understand ure thinking and cant be in ure shoes." i was like how can u not even try? he basically said "because i dont have that same exact experience....so i cant." i dunno. sometimes i find that narrow minded. its like u can always draw on other experiences that r similar and use that to understand how someone else feels. i understand his situation and his dreams cuz i know what he is thinking. its a tough road for his dream but a few out of a million make it. i just wish he put the effort. he thinks he is putting a 110%. i see more like 10% lol. im harsh. oh well everyone is different. i shouldnt judge.
its late but its ok. someone whos been reading my blogs was wondering something cuz i guess i am confusing in my thoughts. am im gay or bi or straight.
i think it kinda goes back to my blogs at the beginning.
i find guys attractive but only certain kinds. i dont want to say straight acting cuz that sounds kinda offensive sometimes. i always tend to have a crush on a guy who has a strong mind and knows what he wants. that tends to be athletic guys. the sheer determination to win is really hot! he has to have a positive outlook on life and have a soft side even if its just to me. i have friends that r somewhat feminine and they r cool friends. if i wanted a feminine guy i would rather have a girl haha.
as for girls. girls must be kind and gentle and understanding. i hate whiners. i hate drama. im not too fond of gossip. well i know it happens naturally but sometimes it gets outta control and i hate being in caught in between a cat fight of he-said-she-said. for girls its hard to find an understanding one. i hear "me me me" alot and its not very attractive. maybe its the time we live in. i should just become amish hahaha.
its funny when i think of it. when i think of a perfect guy i see a responsible strong man like a father. when i think of a perfect girl i see a caring and loving woman who is nurturing like a mother. what does that all mean then? i guess i want to have kids one day! if i end up with a guy i obviously want to adopt or something. maybe that surrogacy stuff too? hahaha. i dunno. i know im an oddball since people wonder "what is he?" i guess u can say im nothing or im all or im gay or just curious. im someone who is always looking for the right one. the right one is neither a guy or a girl. it is someone to love me for me. im goofy but caring. im stubborn but understanding. im lazy but determined. im alot of things. im me. its hard to explain who i am in writing. i guess one thing i know for sure is no matter who it is i meet i become a speed dial for them in emergencies. im that shoulder people cry on. i like to understand everyone and see them for who they r.
i am always there for the people around me. my friends do tell me i dont really take time for myself and always worry about others being happy. the only thing is its hard to find someone to do that in return. maybe the times have changed from when my grandparents or parents grew up where they r there for each other. nowadays i always hear girls asking y they rnt put on a pedistal. i think thats a turn off. i mean if i love someone i would climb a mountain for them. i would drop whatever im doing if they are in trouble. sorry for using they haha. its hard typing he/she and him/her haha.
in the end if its a guy or a girl, they have to be open minded. i mean i want someone who will conquer the world with me. not in an evil way like pinky and the brain. i dont need other people in our biz but i just want to know that person will be with me till the end. love is hard to find. will it ever find me?
btw i remembered what i was gonna end my post with yesterday. im so into those olympic stories on athletes. it can be other things too besides sports. i like people who come from nothing and become a hero. i also like those who come from a silver platter but make their own paths in life without relying on others. thats what olympics r made of. u can achieve ure dreams if u put in the effort. the music and the stories get to me. oh sometimes it just gets a tear going but u wont get to see it rolling down my face lol
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